


"I'm fine."

by ItsAudrina



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Eating Disorders, Philza is angry, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Techno gets yelled at for not eating, a feeling of numbness, im just venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28498704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsAudrina/pseuds/ItsAudrina
Summary: Technoblade can't help but think, is this all my fault, am i the one whos in the wrong for trying to make myself happy just for it to not mean anything in the endThis is just a vent fic
Comments: 10
Kudos: 71





	"I'm fine."

**Author's Note:**

> In the story when Philza yells its similar to what my step dad was yelling at me for the other night so

They are all just sitting in the kitchen, Tommy and Wilbur talking as Philza walks in with ice cream

Tommy immedeatly grabbing a bowl rushing to sit back down and eat it before getting a brain freeze

Technoblade chuckles quietly as Tommy presses his hands on his head 

"AAH IVE FOOKIN GOT A BRAINFREEZE"

Techno gets up to get himself a bowl thinking _it'll be fine, its just some ice cream, ive been doing better_

Tommy sees him walking over

"But Techno didn't eat dinner"

Technoblade freezes

"Why didn't you eat dinner"

He sees Philza's face change looking a bit mad

"i wasn't hungry" Techno mumbles looking away as Wilbur nearly trips going to grab something from the living room

"ITS ALWAYS THE SAME THING WITH YOU ALWAYS DOING WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE IT AND THEN YOU STAY IN YOUR ROOM ALL DAY AND NEVER DO ANYTHING ALWAYS TAKING EVERYTHING FOR GRANTED"

Techno takes deep breaths holding a neutral face not allowing himself to cry

"yes sir" he quietly mumbles waiting for when he could run off into his room or into the bathroom

"WHAT DID YOU EAT TODAY THAT MADE YOU NOT HUNGRY" 

Techno flinches when Philza gets slightly closer to him

"I-i had breakfast and some crackers"

Philza lets out a frustrated sigh pacing into the kitchen

"see now you've got me all pissed!"

"i-i'm sorry"

Philza ignores him, Techno takes this chance to dash to the bathroom, tears slipping the second the door locks

_I can't do anything right, why was it so wrong to not be hungry_

Technoblade can't help but think, _is this all my fault, am i the one whos in the wrong for trying to make myself happy just for it to not mean anything in the end_

Techno curls up quietly sobbing into his sleeves before quickly wiping the tears away

_im such an idiot, no wonder i don't have friends, the second i do something to make myself happy i'm selfish, i stay in my room to get away from everyone, why does no one understand, but why would they, they are so happy all the time, they don't have to battle the thought of whether or not they should just sleep and never wake up, they don't understand that the only reason i haven't done it already was because i didn't want to break them, but since they dont know that they won't care until i actually am gone_

Techno can feel his body slightly shaking from how much he was crying, his skin started to feel numb, a recognizable numbness taking over as he spotted his blade just slightly visible with the barely open sink cabinet

He quickly grabs it before sitting back down finding himself slowly numbing once again as he looks at the completely healed scars from previous times he had felt like this, felt this urge

He slowly drags the blade across his skin opening a new cut where a scar of a healed one was, wincing a bit as the blade slowly pressed deeper into his skin drawing blood almost immediately

after a few more cuts Techno lets out a cold chuckle as he watches a drop of blood drip from his arm onto the floor, drop. after drop. after drop.

With a sudden realization all his emotions come flooding back in a second as he started sobbing again, shakily standing up and cringing at how pathetic he looked

He decides to stop crying because at this point he felt like he were forcing himself, he washes his arm before bandaging it and covering it with his sleeve and wipes his tears away before finally leaving the bathroom, walking awkwardly into the living room sitting on the edge of the couch distancing himself as they turned on a movie

They will never know that the only reason he is there right now, is for them


End file.
